Natural Hair Mag

Your Mate Has A Problem With Your Hair, Why?

Peace Dreamcatcher

So you’ve been involved with someone for a while and you decide that you want to wear your hair in it’s beautiful natural state. You see no problem with it and expect that your significant other will feel the same. To your surprise, he is less than thrilled at the idea, and even may be unsupportive or argumentative. You may wonder what is up and what this really means. Why doesn’t he support you embracing your natural hair? If you aren’t in a relationship, you may notice that you receive less attention from males, or a different response altogether. You may even struggle with feeling beautiful. Well surprisingly, this has been a common theme among many women somewhere along their journey. There are some reasons behind why one would not get positive encouragement, or feel less than

A few men from varying cities throughout the US were polled and asked why men would not be in support of a woman going natural with her hair. Here is a summary of their responses:

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  1. They may uphold a standard of beauty that most Black women could not achieve without altering their natural hair.  This is typically the straight/loose curly hair standard that is heavily pushed throughout the world as the ideal standard of beauty, among other features primarily held by Caucasian woman.
  2. They have some insecurity themselves about who they are as Black men. How can you love the reflection of yourself if you struggle with loving who you are? Often these men have nothing positive to link to the beautiful natural features of Black women either because they have not been upheld as Black men in a positive light, or because the women in their lives did not accept their natural beauty. Also, they may have been hurt by or have some other struggles with Black women.
  3. They do not support/understand the struggles Black women face nor Black women’s need to reconnect with their natural selves. Adding on to the previous point, if they don’t see themselves as a teammate to their significant other (in this case referring to a Black man to a Black woman), they will not be able to understand decisions such as this. They will be completely disconnected from why a Black woman would want to embrace what is naturally beautiful about herself, and therefore won’t be able to positively support her.
  4. They may have connected with the Sista on a superficial level, and before she wore her hair naturally. As hard as this may be to accept, some males (notice I didn’t say men) connect with females because of what she may have to offer superficially. A nice body, money, jewelry, shoes, straight hair/weave, etc that make up the image a person can portray, but that is not the core of the person. When that person decides to shed some of that and embrace themselves naturally, it will almost definitely cause a problem if the man was attracted to her superficially only.


I found that most men aren’t usually as focused on a woman’s hair as much as they are her confidence, self-esteem, overall attractiveness, and attitude. There are plenty of men that actually PREFER women with natural hair because they find it to be more attractive. They even feel these women are more confident and respect worthy for making such a decision to stay naturally beautiful. Finding support in communities and events such as Brothas that Love Sistas with Natural Hair at is a great way to stay connected and show support for the celebration of natural beauty and love. It is time that we encourage and support each other like only we can


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  • DEKTX83

    If someone loves you than they will love all of you including your natural hair. It’s ashame that some black men can’t handle the natural beauty and hair of a black women.

    • NHM Moderator

      Hi Dektx83,

      Thank you for your comments. Yes, we agree. Your significant other should love or like you for who you are.