Natural Hair Mag

Should You Tell Your Mate You’re Doing The Big Chop?

A reader submitted a question to The Root recently saying her fiancé did not react too well to her doing the big chop, prompting a dialogue about if a woman should tell/warn your mate you’re doing the big chop before you actually do it.

The reader said her mate did not like the new look and asked if she was going for the “lesbian look.”

Demetria, a write for The Root, replied saying that the fiancé was a little out of line making those comments. However, she also said that the reader, who was listed as anonymous, should have given her fiancé a little heads up before doing the BC, saying that it would have lessened his shocked reaction.

Demetria continues her point in saying that the writer did not have to necessarily ask for permission to BC but that she should have at least had the conversation with him.

I think Demetria’s position is one that most would agree with, but I am not sure why a “discussion” has to take place in order for me to do what I want with my hair. Personally, I would let my partner know exactly what I plan on doing; that’s it. I would hear out what he has to say because I love and respect him but I feel a “discussion” is a little dramatic for something as minuscule as hair.

I’m certain this fiancé does plenty of things that the writer may find unattractive but they don’t have to necessarily have sit down discussions about them. For what?

If you come into a relationship expecting your man or woman to be perfect every single day, you are living in La-La Land. Hair will grow back. Weight can be gained and loss. Makeup can be worn or removed. Imperfections are going to be a part of every relationship.

I think the fiancé was right in expressing his dis-fondness of the style but he was out of line with his lesbian comments because it just was not that serious. If he is so wrapped up in what her hair looks like, he comes off as superficial and she may need to reevaluate her future with this guy.

Read the initial letter and Demetria’s response here and let us what you think about it!

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  • I actually think this is valid. When I cut my hair or decide to wear a wig I let my boyfriend know. He personally hates wigs, so I let him know that it is not permanent, I just need a break. Not because I am seeking “permission”, but just cause I know what a shock it is to see your woman one day with her natural and the next with an asymmetrical bob.

  • Brianna G

    My fiancé was so excited when I told him I wanted to go natural he made the appointment for my big chop 4 months into my transition. He loves that it’s healthier for me, cheaper, and I can do my hair myself instead of spending hours and money in a salon. I was happy for that reaction and I don’t understand why a man who loves his woman wouldn’t be thrilled.